Staff Writer for: The University of Toronto’s “Most Trusted” Satirical News Source.

“No Way To Prevent This” Says Administration Doing Nothing To Prevent It

– March 20th, 2019: 
“The University of Toronto has failed us… Yes, the mental health facilities are in shambles, but this is a far broader institutional problem that reaches every facet of the University of Toronto, from individual programs, to student support services, to the upper echelons of UofT’s power structure, it’s clear they show little regard for their students.”

English Students Entering 12th Month of Seasonal Affective Disorder 

– March 20th, 2019
“These grueling Toronto winters are corrosive to a productive learning environment, and certainly detrimental to peak mental and physical well being. No other program is victimized by the polar plague as much as the English Department –– as these students bravely persevere into the 12th month of the sickness, with no cure in sight.”

More to come, hopefully.

Product Design

9 ‘Perfectly Reasonable’ Gifts to Keep Your Significant Other’s Expectations In Check

– February 14th, 2019: 
“By all means, show your significant other how much they mean to you, but do it in a way that doesn’t fuck yourself over for the next time you have to deliver the same sentiment. To help you this Valentine’s Day, here are 9 ways to avoid flying too close to the sun, and pass the bar just enough to keep some gas in the tank for the (potential) long run.”

Poli-Sci Student Enters Sixth Hour of Playing Devil’s Advocate with T.A. 

– December 7th, 2018
“He arrived as he always did: thermos of herbal tea in one hand, and a book that wasn’t even on the reading list in the other. Wearing a thick beige flannel underneath a down-vest jacket, and the kind of hat that the kids from Newsies wear (with just as many holes), he settled in, and wrote his Jordan Peterson ‘Quote of the Day’ in his agenda.”